44 ways to tell your kids how much you love them
There are many small things we can do throughout the day to strengthen our bond with our children.
I kiss and hug my son tightly at night. I say “I love you, son” and begin to close the door behind me. From the darkness in response is heard – “And I do not love you, mommy.”
Goosebumps run down my spine and my heart is filled with guilt. I knew that one day he would say it, but I did not expect that so soon. We didn’t fight, my son wasn’t angry with me.
I’m a child psychologist, so I know how to read between the lines. Well, of course, my son loves me, just today, now he is unhappy with me and does not know how to express it. Therefore, he says – “I do not love you.” I understand that, but hearing that is very, very difficult.
Returning to his room, I think about how we spent the last week. I was overwhelmed, busy and nervous all the time. I did not experience any joy in spending time with the children.
I was not the mom they were used to and deserved.
I was explosive. I didn’t scream, but anger was building up in my heart. The kids and I lost contact and our relationship soured.
I sat on the edge of his bed, hugged my boy, and said, “It’s okay to be angry with me. But no matter what happens, I will always love you. ” After kissing my son on the cheek, I went out and went to the refrigerator. It’s time to eat ice cream. Screwing on the ice cream straight from the package, I decided that it was time to find contact with my children again.
I’m happy to have Rebecca Ines, a parenting expert, and writer. She shares 44 ways to reactivate and connect with children. I used these tips, maybe it will help you too.
How to establish contact with children and let them know that you love them very much:
Building and maintaining strong contact with children is a lot of work, but worth it. We live in a crazy world. Sometimes it is difficult to find even an hour to play with the children – after all, dinner has not yet been prepared, the dishes are not washed, the mailbox is littered with incoming letters, the phone is constantly ringing and the laundry is waiting in the wings. But I’m sure that communication with children does not have to take a lot of time. There are many small things we can do throughout the day to strengthen our bond with our children.
1. Say something nice in the morning. Instead of rushing and jerking, come up with a special greeting for your child. For example “Grow and shine, my sun” or “Good morning, my bear cub, I am so glad to see you!”. This change can set everyone up in a positive way.
2. Show your love. A kiss on the cheek, a hug is just seconds, but these little moments add so much love to our lives.
3. Do something special at breakfast. For example, leave notes with hearts near children’s plates, or make a funny fruit face.
4. Say something nice about the children before breakfast and speak loudly. For example: “You look great today” or “Thank you for making your own bed this morning. It helped me a lot “
5. Come up with a special greeting that only you know about
6. Bless them before they go out the door
7. Never let them leave without hugging them
8. Put a note in your pocket before sending them to kindergarten or school: “I am so glad that you are my child!”
9. If the child has a mobile phone, send him a message with the text “Thinking about you and smiling!”
10. Do something for the child
11. Bring them a treat, even if they didn’t ask
12. Comment on their work. “Oh, you’re already so great!”, “How’s your homework? You are so diligent! “
13. Always greet them with a smile, not interrogation about ratings and behavior: “Hello dear! I’m glad you’re home! “
14. Make the bed for them and leave a note on it: “Made with love my mom.”
15. Set aside 10 minutes of time and tell the children, “I stop doing my own thing and give you 10 minutes of my time because I love you. What do you want to do in these 10 minutes? “
16. Inflate the balloons until they fill the entire floor, just “because”
17. Invite the children to massage, lovingly remember their neck, legs, or shoulders for a couple of minutes
18. Choose a topic for conversation at lunch, such as a new movie, or vacation plans, or the best books. This will help you avoid the awkward silence after asking, “How was your day?”
19. Turn on the music loudly and dance in the kitchen for 10 minutes while the food is cooking.
20. Make afternoon tea a rule. Take small cups and saucers and sit together. Don’t like tea? Pour water into a cup. The kids will still love
21. The time for praise has come again! Make a note of something good and tell your child about it at dinner.
22. Do the most common things with your children. Remember how the gnomes washed the dishes in The Hobbit? They sang and laughed and just had a good time. Try it too, but don’t throw the plates as the gnomes did! At least until you become super experts in this business!
23. Do quick and fun science experiments together
24. Set aside an hour of home time for classical music and fresh cookies from the oven. Children will appreciate it and the atmosphere will change.
25. Read aloud a chapter from your favorite book.
26. Invite children to your world so that they learn something new about you. Tell us what book you are reading or invite them to do yoga together
27. Take a walk together after dinner
28. Play board games. They combine perfectly
29. Leave love notes everywhere. On the mirror in the bathroom, on the wardrobe in the bedroom, on the pillow, under the children’s shoes
30. If the children are very young, play with them on the floor for 10-15 minutes without a break. If the kids are older, build something out of Lego or take part in their games for at least a few minutes.
31. Ask more interesting questions than “How was your day?” Try asking, “What have you learned today?” or “Tell me what good happened to you today”
32. Take a flashlight and crawl under the covers together to tell each other interesting stories
33. Make bathing of your little ones unusual, add new toys, bubbles, water crayons. Play with the kids instead of rushing them
34. Spend 5 minutes not laughing while you and your children make funny faces, tell jokes, or make funny sounds
35. Say “yes” to an offer to play that you usually refused
36. Play a game with the children by asking “What’s your favorite ____?” Until you run out of ideas. Perhaps you will learn something new about each other.
37. Tell them stories from your childhood.
38. Talk to children about their family history. If you yourself do not know her well, you can study the history of your ancestors with them.
39. Swing them in your arms like newborns. Even if their arms and legs don’t fit anywhere
40. Arrange to pretend battles with them
41. Ride like piglets to bed, or like horses to the bathroom
42. Spend “special time” with each of the children before bed. Sit on the edge of their bed, or lie side by side and listen to what they have to say. If they are silent, just hug them
43. Put them to bed with a special prayer or blessing, every night
44. Always kiss them before bed.
I have spent a lot of effort adjusting the relationship with my children. These tips have helped all of us become so much happier. I hope I won’t hear “Mommy, I don’t love you” for a long, long time. And if I hear, I will know what to do.